Survival Toolkit For 21st Century Blacks

1. Don’t make a mistake. Ever. Your mortality could depend on it.

2. Don’t play with/carry anything that marginally resembles a weapon. Even if it is quite clearly a toy. In your hand it’s a weapon.

3. As soon as you are born, you are a threat. Male or female, child or adult, you’re all the same and you will be eliminated if you breathe out of line.

4.There is no amount of education you can pump yourself with to wipe out racial prejudice against your blackness. When it comes down to it, a gun does not distinguish between who has a degree and who doesn’t. If you’re on that mountaintop, ski down it.

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Unapologetic 6

No doubt it’s been an interesting past few weeks. Heck…year even…but let’s stick with the past few weeks for now.

I just really felt like sharing some of my opinions, despite my recent vow of abstinence in that department. Turns out…I like having my say, I like sharing it, and I like the risk of abuse that comes with it.

Scotland Decided
I was so happy about this…for about 2 seconds, after which I realised the sky high promises that had been made to ensure our unity as Great Britain. Admittedly, I did not follow any of the campaign. I just knew that some Scots wanted to be an independent country. As a person with family members who are Scots…but no. Let me not act like that in any way shape or form influenced my interest or lack thereof in this matter at all. That was almost my ‘but I have a friend who is black’ card. It doesn’t mean anything. Back to the matter, open and close…

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Unapologetic 5

On yer bike!

This week marked the ignominious departure of Manchester United manager David Moyes in a blaze of derision, scorn, and religious praise.

I feel conflicted about this, because even though he had it coming (breaking records of failure to the extent only the ‘specialist in failure’ has excelled him), I’m not quite sure he deserved the level of abuse he got since his departure. Social media in particular, has been unrepentant in the fervour of its attack, and when you have betting franchises adding to the insult with stunts like this:moyes-statue_ft Caption: David Moyes, For services to Liverpool Football Club

you have to start calling it what it is…[cyber] bullying/vindictive.
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Unapologetic 4

It’s a been a while folks, but there were some issues I’ve been thinking about lately that I wanted to gist with you all.

You Only Get One Shot

I’m going to confess my sins right now and say that I have betrayed the vow I took some one or two years ago, never to get swallowed up in the crying/predictable/long and weekend-consuming vortex that is X Factor again. It seems the slightly adjusted and more original format this year proved too intriguing to resist, and admittedly at least since boot camp, I’ve kept up with every episode.

Now that that’s done, I just want to raise a few things. What a bunch of mewing cry-babies there are on the show this year! The amount of possibly crocodile/genuine under pressure rivers of Jordan that have been shed, would put a day centre nursery to shame. It’s like it’s now no longer enough to hear ‘This is my whole life” 50 million times throughout the show, it must now be backed up by unattractive contorted faces, sobs, and apparently weak lower limbs which keep collapsing to the ground like marshmallow (with a few twerks added in for good measure) every time a decision is made and it GOES THEIR WAY. I’ve been appalled at the amount of grown-ass men and women who have not minded bawling their way through a show watched by millions across the nation, to the point I started jumping and screaming at my TV “MAN THE HECK UP! MAN UP!”.

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Unapologetic 3

1. If I had one wish

So Ray J has decided in the most original and authentic fashion, to release a song entitled ‘I hit it first’ with a pixelated picture of our most beloved Kardashian, Kim on the front. Can we all just gather, stand up, and clap for him? What a hero. What a hero!

More like a parasite. Does he really think sucking on the fame (admittedly ridiculous) of KimYe in this spiteful and lowlife manner, will somehow revive his ‘phantom’ career for more than five minutes? Taking him to a level of credibility respected outside of the insect kingdom? Granted, Kim hasn’t exactly led the most recommended lifestyle, and Kanye is not exactly famed for his common sense & wisdom and more or less acts like an angry toddler these days. Yet, I don’t think either of them deserved this scumbag to slither up from the gutter like the ghost of Christmas past, and re-invent himself off something that was pretty tacky, humiliating and just a ‘no’. Is that how desperate people are for fame and record sales these days? That they are willing to denigrate others and themselves for a couple of stacks and that’s legitimately called ‘making it’? When I see things like this, I just think ‘Jesus is tarrying yo’.

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Unapologetic 2

1. Who Runs The World? OMO NAIJA!

We did it. We actually WON the African Cup of Nations! Personally I’m also celebrating something else too…lower blood pressure, less inclination to be violent, an exponential decrease in the threat of an early death, and less of the three D’s personally so often synonymous with the mention of Nigerian sports teams these days; Dismay, Despair and Disappointment. WE SHON BRAI LIKE A DIAMON! It was definitely one of the most stressful 90 minutes I’ve endured in 2013. Especially when one poor fellow had a pretty much clear shot on the goal with the ball within his reach, and decided to trip over air. Yes air. No one was there and he fell down. The alternative explanation is Juju (witchcraft), but I think we blame Juju too much for things. He fell down like a giraffe and kept on rolling like a hamster in a wheel. No matter. We still won, and it felt like vindication. Vindication from perpetual abuse from one of our nearest neighbours (who will remain unnamed but were sent packing earlier GMG style earlier in the competition by our opponents). Vindication from years of mockery regarding a certain penal code which follows us like a pungent fart wherever we go.  Vindication from years of team mismanagement, tomfoolery and bad attitude to national sport. I am so proud, and I implore every fellow Nigerian to MILK this till AFCON 2015.

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Unapologetic

Okay, so I decided that it’s not every issue that requires a breakdown covering one whole blog piece, so consider this my new series. In this ‘Unapologetic’ series, I will be putting down my opinions on recent issues in a brief format, you guessed it…unapologetically. Ergo, don’t read these pieces expecting a comprehensive exploration of all sides of the story…ain’t nobody got time for that. This is my undiluted opinion.

1. Horsemeat Burgers (http://bbc.in/S2uoIj)

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