Freewrites 4

No Time Like The Present

So Pastor has just preached a meaningful and poignant message. My notes are like super hot fire. Arms are waving, bodies upstanding, hands clapping, and the entire congregation has just made the Jericho-wall-tumbling declaration – “God will perfect everything that concerns me!’. Now for the dreaded part – the bit where we have to say it to our neighbour.

I turn to the left, I meet his eye, and say it with as little awkwardness as I can help, and I return my face forwards. Job done. I ignore the snapshot I had of a familiar small smile creeping up the side of his mouth.

I sense movement, and out of the corner of my eye I see a torso lean forward, then to the right.

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Freewrites

A Dog’s Life

A dog starts walking alongside me like it’s my companion.

I stop, look down at it and say ‘What do you want?’

It looks up at me.

I stare down at it.

I narrow my eyes.

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Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

Introduction

I had heard a lot about this book. By a lot, I mean that I heard that this was apparently the book to revolutionize how a women interact with men in a relationship setting. Not being one for these kind of ‘self-help’ books as I think of them, I was pretty scornful of it…without having read it.

It occurred to me that this was a foolish position to take as how can you be critical of something you have not even read? But hell no was I going to buy such an obviously nonsensical advice manual. Or so I thought. Anyway, to cut a long story short, by some sort of Jedi mind trick by a friend (mentioning no names) whilst I was on the phone to her, I ended up pressing ‘confirm payment’ on Amazon SOMEHOW, et voila, two days later I had the book.

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Loud Black People

Introduction

I’m wondering how much of an introduction I really need to give. Goodness knows if I was speaking this, someone would have shouted over me already, before I even finished the title. You know the type…they won’t wait for you to pause for an intake of a semi-breath, nor even have the decency to tell you ‘shut up’ before they interrupt, they will just ‘intercede’ & start talking (about something totally different usually pertaining to them), like you were just sitting there like Casper the friendly ghost on mute.

The Meat of the Matter

Who are the people who do this? I’m sorry to say, but in the near quarter of a century that I’ve been alive, my anthropological studies socialising, has shown me that the vast majority of offenders are black people.

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