Unapologetic

Okay, so I decided that it’s not every issue that requires a breakdown covering one whole blog piece, so consider this my new series. In this ‘Unapologetic’ series, I will be putting down my opinions on recent issues in a brief format, you guessed it…unapologetically. Ergo, don’t read these pieces expecting a comprehensive exploration of all sides of the story…ain’t nobody got time for that. This is my undiluted opinion.

1. Horsemeat Burgers (http://bbc.in/S2uoIj)

When this story was released, I checked different social networks to see what opinions were being bounced about. Unsurprisingly, the prevailing sentiment was the objection that an animal 9 times out of 10 considered as a pet so to speak, could be eaten. In the article above I read, a farmer went so far as to say once you name a creature, you can’t eat it. He doesn’t. I laughed so heartily I nearly cried and it made me consider differences between Caucasian British culture, and African culture. In Nigerian culture (let me not speak for all of Africa), it doesn’t matter if you name that thing Olusegun Adedamola Tokunbo Shariff Adenuga, if the village is hungry, that creature is getting chopped and fried.

I propose that if horsemeat is being used in burgers, maybe cows are running low. On the flip side, I saw fellow British Africans complaining (not from the pet and naming angle, from ‘it’s a horse’ angle) which surprised me. I just thought, why are we trying to do styles when we know full well in this life that we have definitely consumed meat not on the accepted animals for consumption list?

I put it to you that everyone of African extraction has that one aunty, who whenever she cooks stew, the meat inside it is undecipherable, and that’s the stew that gets copiously poured over your rice – not the one where you can clearly distinguish the thigh and the breast from the drumstick. And you’ll be sitting there, some bits of meat your teeth snags will be okay, but there’ll be that one piece which you can’t quite separate, and you’ll be praying that it’s hard-boiled boiler chicken, knowing full well that it’s not, not daring to ask any questions for fear your intestines will begin an internal revolution. Then when you have fought the good the fight, finished the race, and kept the faith, your plate will be topped up before you’ve even finished swallowing because obviously you enjoyed it so much. In a renewed burst of desperate courage, you ask ‘Aunty, what is it?’, and that question is responded to with a big pleased smile, and a ‘Ahh you like?! It’s my special recipe. I will pack some for you to take home’. And inside you cry, because you know that legit forms of consumable meat are not ever referred to abstractly as ‘my special recipe’.

Personally my own objection to horsemeat is taken from that part in Animal Farm by George Orwell, where something bad happens (trying not to spoil here) to the horse called Boxer. I found that really distressing, still do, and that is why I will not eat horsemeat burgers.

But for the rest of you I’m just saying, horse or cow…if it tastes good, let it go.

2. The Sisterhood.

The latest export from that haven of African-American folly, excess and ratchetness they call Atlanta. A new reality TV show following the lives of First Ladies a.k.a. Preacher’s wives. I watched two episodes, and will be watching no more, and if I wasn’t a Christian already, I wouldn’t want to be one after watching that. Backbiting, gossiping, sanctimony of modern-day Pharisees, every bit as much attitude as the Love and Hip Hop divas minus the swearing and physical fights…so far. Of course they threw in a couple ‘oh-I-have-a-really-tough-testimony’ moments, a few tears trickled in slow-mo down a few faces, but if that is supposed to represent the Kingdom…in the words of Wyclef Jean in 911 ‘Lawd knows we in trouble’. I’m not saying Christians are supposed to be perfect, but why hang that filthy laundry out to dry, so unrepentantly before the whole world, like a praise banner for Jesus? There’s a difference between being messed up, and showing off that mess.

3. Grinding (http://bbc.in/W6zykA)

I read an article this week about a developer guy who sub-contracted his work out to people in China. I didn’t bat an eyelid at first because isn’t that what BT do? Okay to India. But it turns out because this is one man by himself, paying Chinese people to do his job, a lot less than he was getting paid (they were happy to do it mind you), apparently that was bad and he was being a naughty boy. Some might call that exploitation, but I think that can legitimately be called business dependent on your perspective. He saw a gap in the market, no? And he maximised it to his profit. Even legally paid the Chinese contractors. Yes it was slightly unheroic that he decided to spend ‘his workdays surfing the web, watching cat videos on YouTube and browsing Reddit and eBay’ but different strokes for different folks. I empathise with the guy because he was reported to be ‘an “inoffensive and quiet” but talented man versed in several programming languages” ‘. So it’s not that he’s actually incapable of doing the job, just…entrepreneurial. Of course though there are the added issues of security breaches in network sharing which is a capital offence in the tech world. Apparently he no longer works for the company…

4. My Two Cents (http://bit.ly/UO9bi6)

Beyoncé has officially lost her mind. How can she pose like a video vixen then talk about how women are not equal in the same magazine? Shut your mouth, shame the devil, and admit you like being a sex symbol. I can’t deal with her bumbarice anymore. She’s flogged that dead manifesto for too long now whilst at the same time validating the very definitions by men that she complained about in the GQ article. She said “They [men] define what’s sexy. And men define what’s feminine. It’s ridiculous.” So by you appearing in a magazine dressed like some Soviet Union sex worker in a soft porn shoot, you are redefining what’s sexy and feminine? You fell and banged your head love. Listen, when a highly accomplished singer, songwriter and producer (those accomplishments albeit aided by her sexualisation), with a list of accolades longer than my two arms put together, feels the need to debase herself like this, there’s no words to describe the disappointment and lack of respect I, and I suspect many others have towards that. When 16-year-old Blu comes home and says ‘Mum I did a photoshoot’ and that photoshoot is her taking pictures of herself on her iPad maxi-mini 5, posing like you, in as many ‘clothes’, in her bedroom, and she just sent it to her boyfriend, who sent it to his friends, and now it’s around the school….what are you going to say?

She’ll just be stuttering like Joe won’t she?

Yours Truly,

xx

**glossary* (I know I used some dialectical terms in this)

‘To do styles’ = to act a fool

‘Bumbarice’ = idiocy

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