I turned 25
recently and in many ways I have remained the same, but I recently came to the conclusion there are some things in life I am just not prepared to deal with anymore. Hence this post.
I’ll try not to ramble, but the more I’ve scratched the surface of this, the more points I’ve come up with. Anyway, see if you agree with any. If the general consensus is ‘what are you talking about?’, then I’ll know for sure I’m just a whiny cow.
1) Small Talk
I’ve never had much of a palette for this, but it seems that since 25, my tolerance levels really have taken an exponential dive. I can’t bear it. Talking for the sake of talking. Basically going around in circles and coming to the same conclusion > you’re cool, they’re cool, you’re great, they’re great, oh crap we haven’t got anything else to talk about, cue unbearable silence, all of sudden the contour of the clouds becomes the most enthralling sight since Halley’s Comet, or you become an interior designer noting how complimentary the carpet is to the wallpaper (gosh, doesn’t the white really complement the off-white), or you start looking intently at your phone, oh crap the battery’s dead, make it look like your receiving a phonecall quick, quick, before the other person notices there was no screen backlight, motion as if to say ‘I’ve got to get this’ then once round the corner, run.
Do you know how much effort it takes to do all of that? It’s better to just smile, acknowledge in that brief glance that you won’t have anything worthwhile to say to each other and abide in silence or walk away. At least that’s what I do nowadays.
2) Unnecessary/small talk phone calls
There was a discussion on twitter about this the other day where a lot of people seemed to be of this particular camp. Let me explain: unnecessary phonecalls are when people call you exclusively just to ask ‘Hey, how are you doing?’. No purpose, no life-threatening emergency, no ‘I’m taking you on an exotic holiday and I’ve already paid for all of it’, just ‘hey’. And it’s not like they haven’t spoken to you or seen you within the past month (at least that’s the measure I use to judge whether this call has been legitimately placed or not).
Every time this happens, I sigh inwardly like my life’s breaths are being squeezed from my lungs by someone powerfully strong. At least with small talk, you can edge yourself away from a potentially awkward situation by just pretending not to see the person…even if they’re right in front of you walking towards you. E.g. incoming acquaintance > pretend to suddenly get something in your eye, put your head down whilst rubbing your eye vigorously and blinking like your eyelids are clapping, appear to stagger to and fro but not too much as this may draw the attention being passionately avoided, calculate how much time it will take for them to pass you, turn outwards so your back is facing them, when the estimated time of arrival has been reached, lift your head up for clarity, if coast is still not clear, remember the ‘something’ in your eye & continue that cycle again, if the coast is clear…keep calm and carry on.
But with phonecalls you are literally forced to endure at least a few minutes worth of this painful to and fro ping-pong of ‘Yeh, I’m good. You?’ ‘Yeh I’m cool too’ ‘Everything okay?’ ‘Yeh it’s cool’ ‘How’s life?’ ‘I’m living it’ ‘Cool’ ‘Cool’ ‘Um..so anything new?’ ‘Not really’ ‘Oh’ ‘You?’ ‘Same old same old really’.
You can always tell when a phonecall is going down this route & nowadays I just switch off, or watch a show whilst giving my automatic replies.
3) Random men saying ‘Hey baby, can we be friends?’
No. It’s not done this way anymore. This is not on.
4) Debates about any and everything
Especially with people who you know will fly kick you with their opinion from every angle until you have accepted their point of view. There’s more to life.
Furthermore, when the debate is along the lines of ‘Is it a sin to listen to secular music/to rave?’ ….drop me out entirely. I don’t want to know. Follow your conviction. The end.
5) People who deliberately wind me up for the sake of it
And afterwards the person will say ‘Alright, alright! Calm down. What are you getting mad for? I was only joking! I was just winding you up’ *person erupts into imbecilic laughter*
This really angers me.
I think I’m a pretty laid back person and I’m really the last person to criticise anyone for joking around as that’s pretty much my Modus Operandi a good majority of the time, but winding people up for no reason other than your own personal amusement strikes me as rather inane and infantile.
Out of the friends who have done this to me in the past…most have not tried to do it again. The ones that have…
….things just get really awkward and really tense, really fast.
6) Asking me personal questions on my Facebook wall/ Twitter timeline
I can’t deal with this.
What are the message capabilities there for? For unsolicited declarations of love and ‘pleez can I av your nombah?’ alone? I think not. If I wouldn’t usually shout my business on a megaphone in a room full of a couple hundred people listening intently, why would I write it on my wall? Same situation basically.
Anyway, I have three basic responses to this situation:
- 8/10 times I ignore it completely.
- 1/10 times respond with a really curt reply like ‘Yeh, it’s cool. xx’. (The ‘x’s really to emphasise the fact that this interaction is over)
- 1/10 times if the person is a friend who is usually prudent in such matters and had a momentary slip-up (we all make mistakes), I’ll respond to it via Messages. But I basically operate a 3 strikes rule. After that you get relegated to response number 1).
7) Flaky, unreliable and in a permanent-state-of-crisis friends
Friends who always have some kind of issue going on and it’s never their fault, now try my patience, where before I was very diplomatic in my attitudes towards it all. Where in the past I once would have offered soothing words and advice, and listened to lengthy complaints, which were basically Hamlet-esque monologues on how the world, the sun, moon and stars are against them, I’m now more likely to say ‘get over it & keep it moving or shut up’.
Flaky and unreliable friends, who can’t let their ‘yes’ be ‘yes’, and their ‘no’ be ‘no’, are a real problem. As in if you can’t keep simple engagements, or are always coming up with an excuse as to why you can’t do something you said you were going to do, my respect for you diminishes to sub-zero. It’s got to the point where I know the standard that I expect from certain people, and I won’t entrust them with anything more than they can clearly handle….which for some people is a really difficult thing to define as just turning up was the initial expectation O_o.
8) Black People’s Time (BPT)
The people who know me, know how utterly unacceptable I find this. I’m the kind of person that hates being late anywhere, to the point that I don’t even like it if I’m there before everyone else, but it’s still later than the time that was agreed. Perpetually tardy behaviour at this age (twenties) is just so uncouth. What with all the technology we have these days that tell time (phone, watch, laptop, mp3, clock) and means of planning journeys (Journey Planner, Tom Toms, Google Maps, A-Z, compass) I just don’t understand how people can still roll into places over 30 minutes to an hour late.
9) Going to any and every event…especially if it takes more than 1 hour to travel there.
My excuse? I’m just too old! More often than not, I’d rather sit in front of my laptop and catch up with a show, or watch a sub-standard reality TV programme, or hang out with friends, than drag myself somewhere where I’ll more or less see the same people I always do, have the same conversations I always have & be much lighter in the pocket for it. Plus as a South Londonder, y’all know Tube connections and trains are pants down here…sometimes the effort is just too much. By the time I get to the venue I already have a headache from the mandatory TFL stress and just want to sleep. Then I seem like a cranky cow or bored when I’m just tired. Verrily, verily, I say unto you, it’s really all about the home-based socials post 25 years.
10) Nail polish that chips too easily
A real source of rage. How can you paint your nails the day before and it chips the next day? Especially when you did put the base coat and top coat on it, and you haven’t been dragging your nails through gravel or anything. Then comes the dilemma of do you remove it, or just paint over where it’s cracked off? Or do you remove the paint on that nail and do it again? And how do you remove it without accidentally rubbing some of the other nails? And how many coats did you put on initially because if you don’t get it right, surely the colour will be slightly off?…I mean it’s a predicament that I don’t think women should have to deal with post 25 years. When you’re younger it doesn’t matter – chipped nails look arty, like an expression of youth, endearing even. Post 25? Just slippin’.
I’m really pleased I came to a nice and rounded number of 10 to finish this. I did have some more points but I thought I’d leave them out at the risk of this becoming an elaborate whinge.
I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way though.